The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He shit in the fireplace
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize