So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
