I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
