I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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