Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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