Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
