Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
love makes seman taste better
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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