community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
