i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
