I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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