We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
