oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
