I think my vagina is haunted
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
