my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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