He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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