I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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