is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
