Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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