i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
