Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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