I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
