I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
