woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
