I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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