i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just cropdusted the office
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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