Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
