I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize
