Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
