How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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