I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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