this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
