Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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