Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
