Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
