you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
