have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
