No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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