Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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