And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
