Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
