Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
