So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
