i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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