One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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