Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
