I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
