those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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