Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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