I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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