So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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