We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
