How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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