Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
