I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
