He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
NoShamevember. You game?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
