"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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