Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Two words: blizzard sex
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