weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
