just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
