you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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