she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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