i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
