You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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