I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're a waste of cheezeits
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
