My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
