I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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