I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
