He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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