Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You work out of a Hotel?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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