I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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