My underwear smells like fireworks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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