pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
